Realizations
by lysjelonken
Summary: Kensi and Deeks have always had their "thing" – that unspoken non-relationship, always hanging in the air. When things start to change, Kensi realizes that she can't keep Deeks hanging on a string forever. Multichap Densi fic and some Deeks/OC - NOW COMPLETE. Thanks to all my readers for the amazing support!
1. Chapter 1

**Realizations**

**Kensi and Deeks have always had their "thing" – that unspoken non-relationship, always hanging in the air. When things start to change, Kensi realizes that she can't keep Deeks hanging on a string forever.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own NCIS: Los Angeles, any of its characters or anything.**

* * *

His feet hit the pavement, sporadically and frantically, as he sprinted one of his several shoreline jogging routes. He had specifically chosen this route, the one that was mostly against the beach front and most exposed to the cleansing ocean air, to clear his head. Today was a difficult day, to say the least.

X

"_So, handsome…" Kensi drawled, dragging one finger up the bicep of the profusely sweating monkey-suited gangster-wannabe. Deeks couldn't help but roll his eyes. Both at the fact that the suspect was wearing a full tuxedo in the height of summer in LA, and at Kensi's shameless flirting. He could feel the guys' eyes boring into the back of his head, and he embarrassedly knew they were 100% aware of his feelings. Feelings that he, Marty Deeks, not once in his life thought he'd experience. At least not at this level._

_Jealousy._

_As Kensi walked off to the bar to refresh their drinks, she swayed her hips sensually and the douchebags eyes never left her ass. She approached him (dressed in his own ridiculous suit, but certainly more weather-appropriate) as the barman. She ordered a fruity cocktail, which he knew she hated in reality, but which was her alias' fave, and a scotch for the suspect. When she caught his eye as he shifted the glasses closer to her, her eyebrows briefly quirked into a frown, and her eyes became hard and cold as if to ask 'What's your problem?'_

_In any other situation, he would've let the corners of his mouth curve into a cheeky, crooked smirk (the one he knew she secretly loved) and laid on some cheesy, ineffective line to diffuse the tension. This time he just swallowed and evaded her eyes. When she turned and stalked away, a distinct aggression and anger now in her steps, he didn't even look back at her._

X

It was killing him.

Their "thing". Or rather, the ambiguity of their "thing".

He had flirted with girls platonically before, many times, and remained friends, but this was something different to anything he had ever experienced. Sometimes they were buddies – nothing more or less – that pulled each other's legs and always had a biting back-and-forth battle underway. Other times, it was as if they were at the precipice of going somewhere very, very different. Those times, when they were standing _way _closer than friends ever would or should, with tension sparking between them and their lips like magnets, pulling together… Those times it was as if they were together. Seriously together… Not the kind of relationships he'd had before.

It's also those times that are probably to blame for his lack of interest in girls these days. He finds himself scoping out talent at the beach, or when entering a bar, less and less. Honestly, if he had any male friends that weren't in the same we-speak-not-of-it cahoots (see Sam, G, and even Eric), he'd probably be labelled and mocked as "whipped".

What a mess he'd gotten himself into…

X

"_What the hell was wrong with you today?" She asked, entering the locker room after her de-briefing with Hetty. He's shocked for a minute, still dragging a towel through his hair from his shower and naked from the waist up, wearing his jeans but no shirt._

"_What was wrong with me?" He asked, throwing the towel and scouring for his t-shirt in his locker. He could have pointed out how her eyes lingered at his chest a moment too long, but right now he was strangely not in the mood for humour. In fact, his head was throbbing with a hot, angry pressure. If she wanted to pick a fight right now, a fight was what she was going to get._

"_When I went to get drinks at the bar, what was up with you? Deeks, that's so unprofessional!"_

"_What was unprofessional? I didn't say anything, did I?"_

"_Oh, your face said enough."_

"_I don't think I was the one to cross any professional boundaries today. I think _you _were."_

"_ME?"_

"_Please, when you went back to the suspects with the drinks, you nearly bit his head off whenever he spoke. Without any reason, other than you'd just gotten drinks at the bar, and the barman didn't _chat _with you. I'm the one who's unprofessional, Kensi?"_

"_I was most definitely _NOT!" _She fumed. They were full-fledged screaming now and he was briefly grateful that the team had left them to scream at each other in peace. "Don't go throwing blame around just because you were…" _

_The word was left unspoken, but it rang loud and clear in the silence. _

_He didn't reply to that. He pulled his t-shirt over his head, grabbed his phone and wallet, and strode out of the locker room, and then the building. _

X

Jealous.

He wanted to hit himself over the head for it. His behaviour was childish. But how did she expect him to react?

What a mess…

What a complete, total-…

"Woah, Cody, slow down!" Not far ahead from him, he saw a woman pulling at the leash of an extremely enthusiastic retriever, as it pulled excitedly forward and away from her, closer and closer towards him. And closer, and…

"WOAH!" He fell back as the dog jumped onto his chest, the momentum of his movement sending him off-balance and onto his back. The gravel stung his shoulders, but he couldn't help the laugh that bubbled up out of him when the dog started licking his face all over.

"Oh my goodness!" He heard a feminine voice. "Cody, get off! Come on, please…" Was it just him, or was there a tinge of laughter in her voice as well. "I'm so sorry sir, I just…"

"No, it's okay." He said with a chuckle as the woman pulled Cody off of him and clipped the leash that had come loose back into his collar. "It's alright, I'm fine. That's quite the enthusiastic pup you've got there."

"He's a bit excitable. I don't know why he reacted like this, he's usually much more relaxed when we run by the beach."

Deeks pulled himself up and dusted the gravel off of him, and looked up. He was momentarily speechless when he took in the woman next to him for the first time.

"I'm so sorry." She said, smiling a dimpled apologetic smile, and extended a hand to pull him up again.

"That's alright. He probably just smelled my dog, Monty, on me."

"You have a dog too?"

"Yeah. He's a bit older now, so he's not always up for a late-night jog anymore."

She smiled at him. The sun was lowering down into the ocean and the sky was turning a burnt orange, which shone and reflected on her caramel-coloured locks.

"Listen, I was wondering… You know, to apologize for my dog's… if you would like to..?" Her cheeks were tinging an adorable pink, and he deep brown eyes flashing towards a coffee stand close by. He put two and two together.

"Coffee?"

"Only if you like."

"I would… Like that, I mean." He was sure his face was mirroring her blush. The thought the he was very much acting like a teenager with a crush occurred to his, but her stunning smile quickly killed it. "I'm Marty, by the way." He extended a hand to shake.

"Alexis." Her hand was soft and her skin was smooth and he held onto it for a beat longer than was probably appropriate for a handshake. So sue him. She was pretty as hell.

They walked to the coffee cart together with Cody running playfully between them, and drank their coffee on a beachside bench together.

And for the moment, the first moment in a very, very long time, a woman other than Kensi had his undivided attention.

* * *

**This has been running around in my mind for a long time. It'll be a multichap, hopefully I'll have time to update more regularly than I have the last year. The dog, Cody, is inspired by my own adorable retriever by the same name. Please review and let me know what you guys think!**

**Much love, **

**Zanny**


	2. Chapter 2

**Realization: Chapter 2**

**Thanks for the reviews, follows, etc…**

**Disclaimer: Nothing is mine**

* * *

"Have you noticed something - I don't know - different, about Deeks?" Nell whispered to Kensi as they walked off to the bar to buy another round.

The team was out celebrating closing a particularly important case with greasy pizza and drinks at a nearby dive, a refreshing change of pace after a very trying week.

At her words, Kensi looked over her shoulder. Deeks was sitting with the rest of the team in the booth, laughing and having a good time. Nothing was out of sorts.

"Why do you say that?" Kensi asked.

"I don't know. I guess he just seems… lighter? Happier?"

"Deeks is always happy. Annoyingly so."

As they spoke, Deeks' phone lit up in the booth. The two women watched him subtly look down at the screen, smile brightly, and type a reply.

"And _that _has been happening a lot." Nell said, with a smile. "He's been glued to his phone texting for how many weeks now. Do you think he's seeing someone?"

Kensi shrugged. "Probably just another blonde bimbo. I give it five minutes at the most."

She felt Nell eyeing her up and down and she tried to fight the blush from creeping up her neck. Nell was no idiot; of course she knew that Kensi had sensed the change too. And by her reaction to this conversation, she was _definitely _not happy about it.

It started the day after their big fight, a couple of weeks back. The one where Deeks had gotten horrendously jealous in the middle of an op, and Kensi had gotten annoyed and nearly blew her cover. After an epic screaming match in the locker room and Deeks storming out unexpectedly, Kensi had assumed they'd return the next day and follow their usual routine: Deeks would sulk and she would be evasive, and then they'd move on and forget about it. That was the way they worked. Five minutes of awkward discomfort, followed by ignoring the fact that anything ever happened. Whenever that kind of thing happened, anything discerning to their... feelings, or whatever. Their "thing".

But that wasn't how it went, when the next morning came.

When Deeks entered the bullpen, he was carrying a box of icing dusted donuts and wearing a wide smile. He had greeted the team, including her, with a cheerfulness that was strange, even considering it was Deeks. After being interrogated for a few minutes by the boys, he shrugged and called it off as just having a 'very good morning'.

She thought that would be the last of it. But since that day, Deeks had been smiley and shiny all the time. That, and the constant texting…

Honestly, if she didn't know better, she'd have thought he was…

_Don't. _She internally chastised herself. _Don't go there. You are most definitely not jealous at your _partner's _newest conquest. She's probably a bleach blonde bimbo with the emotional depth of a kiddie pool anyway. In a week or so, he'll be bored, and you'll feel like an idiot for thinking like this._

The barman placed the last of the drinks on the bar, and winked flirtatiously at her.

_How's that for irony, _she thought as she and Nell carried the drinks to the booth and placed them on the table.

Callen was in the middle of some hilarious 'when-I-was-undercover' anecdote, when another text came.

"Who's texting you so much?" She couldn't help it. The words flew out of her mouth, and interrupted Callen, before she could stop them. Deeks' eyes shot up at her and she swore she saw him blush.

"Yeah, I was wondering the same thing." Sam added. She very nearly sighed in relief, thinking how easily he could've mocked her for her abrupt question. Instead, he teased Deeks: "You've been on that thing for the last few weeks more than a preteen girl."

Deeks scoffed, and replied – as she knew he would – humorously. "Can't help it I'm popular. People just want to talk to me. Who am I to deny them?"

"Oh, I don't think it's _people_." Callen smirked. "I think it's a single _person_. More specifically I think it's a person with long hair, smells nice... Deeks… did you get a girlfriend we don't know about?"

They were full-on mocking him now, all grins. And effectively so too. Deeks' face was almost glowing red.

"I knew it." Kensi heard Nell say under her breath. Then louder: "I knew it! How long?"

With a roll of the eyes, Deeks relented. "Couple of weeks."

"A couple of weeks and we haven't heard of her yet? Usually we have to endure to some pretty, uh… graphic descriptions of the girl pretty much the day after you met her. What gives?"

"Well, this girl's different. In fact… I want you guys to meet her."

"Y-you want us to meet her?" Once again, she seemed to have little to no control over her words. All of the gazes around the table flew to her. She had been completely silent since Deeks first mentioned his new romantic interest. "Wow. So I guess… It's pretty serious then?"

Deeks half-shrugged, and smiled his crooked smile. Her stomach did a flip. "It could be. I think… Yeah, I think it could be. She's not like anyone else I've dated before."

Kensi's ears started to ring, and she felt the air get suddenly hot, as the team started to ask Deeks about the new woman in his life, and he started telling the charming tale of how her dog tackled him down in the street, to raucous laughter. She wasn't really listening. Her brain was in overload, trying to comprehend this situation.

Why did she never anticipate this? Deeks was a hot-… _handsome _guy... You know, in certain circles. He was smart, funny. He had a job. He was a catch. And he was a free man, after all. No bounds, no commitments.

Only a partner with whom he had occasional late-night beer and pizza nights. And who he bantered and flirted with, almost endlessly, until the tension between them was as thick as soup...

They had a "thing". And as intense and obvious as it was, it wasn't anything more than that. It couldn't be...

She caught his bright blue gaze for a moment; it wasn't full of pity, but neither was it unaffected. She thought, as she had many times before, that if she let herself she could get lost in that gaze. How easily could she let her jealousy overtake the logical side of her brain, grab him, right here in the middle of the bar, and kiss him? She didn't though. She quickly evaded his penetratingly blue gaze, and took a long sip from her beer.

Sam would not let the subject go, though. "Does she know what you do?"

"She knows I'm a detective. But, don't worry, I checked her out. Her record is squeaky clean, nothing to worry about. She's a real girl."

Sam quirked a suspicious eyebrow. "When do you want us to meet her?"

X

"All right, guys. It's getting pretty late. I guess I should bail." Nell said, stretching her arms out at her sides. "Eric? Carpool?"

"Yes, please."

"We should probably also get going, G." Sam said.

Pair by pair, dynamic duos left, until only Deeks and Kensi were left sitting in the booth.

For a few moments, they were silent, nursing their half-empty beer bottles and listening to the soft music pouring out of the jukebox.

"How are you feeling?" He asked her finally. "You seem…"

Suddenly she felt a deep, scathing anger start up inside of her. Anger, because after years of being the one making him jealous with dates (only firsts) and flirting with suspects, she was receiving a very bitter taste of her own medicine.

"Yeah, revenge must be sweet, huh?"

His eyebrows furrowed. "I'm sorry?"

"Well, you have to admit, between the timing and wanting us to meet her..? You've never introduced us to any of your other girlfriends." A scathing remark about the quantity and quality of his previous girlfriends was on the tip of her tongue, when he interrupted her.

"Kensi." He had never spoken to her in such a voice – so firm, assertive or _loud_. "Kensi, I'm not having this relationship to _get back at you_ for... whatever reason. Honestly I was hoping you knew me better than to think that I'd use someone like that." He scoffed and slowly shook his head. "I met someone, Kensi... I met someone for real, who I like a lot. And it'll mean a lot to me if you met her. Because… it's important to me." He reached over the table, and took her hand in his. She tried not to express her shock on her face when he rubbed the skin of her hand with his thumb, creating a warm, tingling spot of skin. "You're my best friend, Kensi. My best friend and partner. What you think about Alexis matters to me. That's why I want you to meet her. No other reason." Silently, she nodded, her frown still in place.

After a few awkward beats, Deeks slid out of the booth. "I'm gonna get going. I'll see you at work, okay?"

She didn't watch him go, but heard the bell at the door ring as he exited.

Sighing heavily, she threw her head back against the backrest of her seat.

_Well done, Blye. Not only did you act like a _complete _adult… You may just have ruined the best relationship in your life._

* * *

**So, the team is gonna meet Alexis (which obviously means you're gonna learn a lot more about her!) and there's some Densi tension in the air. Please let me know what you're thinking so far. Reviews are so appreciated.**

**Much love, **

**Zanny**


	3. Chapter 3

**Realizations: Chapter 3**

**Thanks so much for all the support! Sorry for the long wait, I was on a long weekend away.**

**Disclaimer: Nothing is mine**

* * *

"I'm serious, Marty, stooooop!" Alexis giggled as Deeks swayed her side by side, hugging her waist from behind and kissing her neck. "Come on, we have to be at the restaurant in ten minutes and I haven't even decided what to wear yet!"

"What are you talking about? You look amazing!"

She rolled her eyes. "I'm wearing jean shorts and a bikini. And I've still got sand all over my legs! That's hardly the kind of attire that's acceptable at the restaurant we're going to tonight." She squealed as he twirled her around quickly to face him, and kissed her deeply, smiling into the kiss. "Come on! It's your friends! I wanna make a good first impression." She said as she pulled away.

He sighed. "You're right. You're right. We should get ready. Show me the dresses."

She twirled around and lifted to hangers from her closer, each one holding a dress, and Deeks sat down at the edge of her bed and eyed them. One black dress, one dark blue.

"What do you think? The black one might be a little short…"

"Then I vote black."

She smiled her dimpled smiled, and he winked at her.

"But the blue one might be a little casual for where we're going… I don't know."

He stood up and took the hangers from her, holding them at each side. He looked again, weighing the options with care this time. He realized her stress; it was important to him that his friends liked her as well. Alexis was the first girlfriend he's had in a long time where he didn't constantly see or expect an expiration date looming over their heads. She was different. She was special…

For one thing, she was smart – a complete 180 from the ditzy girls he usually caught. A researcher at a museum. She was funny, and not in the class-clown, slapstick kind of way he was. The sharp, witty kind of funny, and he loved that. She was a dog person. She was _gorgeous_. There was so much potential for a long-term relationship in this girl…

And the one, big thing that could shatter the entire thing – was his job. If Alexis couldn't come to terms with his job, his hours and the dangers surrounding it… Things would never work. And the first step to showing her that part of his life, was introducing her to his friends and co-workers. And the first challenge she would have to face, would be Kensi.

"I think the blue one."

"Not too casual?"

"Just right. You'll be stunning." He leaned forward and kissed her gently. "I'll let you get dressed."

X

Tonight was crucial, and Kensi knew it.

Tonight was the night that the team would meet Deeks' new girlfriend. And she, Kensi, had more riding on this night than anyone else.

Sighing, she fell down onto her bed, and tiredly ran her fingers through her hair.

She was never this girl. She never obsessed over her behaviour. She never planned her outfit, or her dialogue, or her reactions, to manipulate a situation. (At least not in real life; and when undercover, there was a surreal quality to it, wearing someone else's clothes, with Eric or Nell talking into her ear). Tonight, however, it was as if she had no other choice than to perfectly coordinate her reaction to this woman. Because her natural reaction, she knew, would be completely inappropriate and most likely ruin everything.

If she acted unfriendly, or intimidating towards Alexis, it would come off as jealous and petty – especially considering her atrociously childish behaviour at the bar the previous week. And she was no fool – she was a beautiful woman. Most girls would have somewhat of a problem with their boyfriend being partnered with a woman like her. Deeks had lied to enough girls about her to prove that. If she showed up and acted possessively towards Deeks, it would cause tension in the new relationship.

And, though it might do well to get Alexis out of the picture, Deeks would be disappointed in her, and angry. He'd blame her (and, begrudgingly she'd admit, rightly) so for slamming a nail in the coffin of his relationship. And even if he was his usual amazing self and forgave her eventually, she was sure that whatever was left of their seamless partnership/friendship/"thing" would be completely changed.

On the flip side, she was finding it very hard to imagine a way that she'd be able to act friendly and accepting, the way she was feeling now.

Kensi Blye was never a jealous woman. But there was no doubt in her mind that, however illogical and unwanted, that was what she was feeling now. It was a primal feeling. Instinctive. It was crude and beneath her, and there was a good measure of shame and embarrassment mixed in there, but she couldn't help it.

She hated this stranger, for no other reason that she was Deeks' new girlfriend.

Just the thought of smiling at this woman felt false. The idea of _her_ making him smile, laugh… whatever, instead of her, made her want to claw the girl's eyes out. Like all those petty little girls she used to roll her eyes at.

She raised her head and peered at her closet. Inside the doors hung two outfits; the one, her tightest pair of jeans (the ones that always makes Deeks' blue eyes bulge out a little when she wears them) and a low-cut top. The second, a dress. Plain, and unobtrusive, and bought for exactly those reasons. To _not _intimidate or upset little Alexis.

Letting her head fall back onto the mattress with a thud, she let out another sigh. When did this become her life?

_Well, you know the answer to that one, _went her mind. _When you fell forbiddenly in love with your partner. And he fell in love with someone else._

X

The internal debate over sexy vs. plain went on much longer than planned, and Kensi fast-walked out of the cab into the restaurant five minutes late. Wearing the jeans, yes, but a more modest shirt. She quickly found the team, already introduced and engaged in pleasant conversation, at a table near the kitchen. She caught Deeks' eye from across the floor, and smiled. He smiled back.

"Hey guys." She greeted, walking towards her empty seat at the table (across from the happy couple, ain't that her luck?), earning a chorus of greeting. "Sorry I'm late. Hi, you must be-…"

"Alexis." The woman sitting beside Deeks, extended her hand and they shook. Her handshake wasn't particularly bone-breaking, but it was firm. And, as predisposed as she was, she had to admit… she didn't look like Deeks' other girlfriends, the little of them she'd seen from saving him from 'crazy dates' and pictures on his phone. She had auburn, almost toffee-coloured hair, dimples and intelligent, dark eyes. And, as much as she'd have liked it, there wasn't much of a resemblance between them.

"It's nice to meet you. We've heard a lot."

She took her seat, and eyed her menu up and down. The table fell silent for a minute, until someone said "Anyway…" and continued with their story.

"So, you're Marty's partner?" Alexis asked her, a soft side-conversation.

"Uh, yes, I am." Self-consciously.

"He talks a lot about you." She said with a smile. "I've got to admit, I was pretty nervous about meeting you."

"Is that so?"

She quickly caught Deeks' eye; his gaze was rigged meaningfully at her, conveying the message clearly that she should be friendlier. Somewhat begrudgingly, she placed her menu down, and looked up at Alexis. "Why were you nervous?"

_Not exactly a riveting conversation-started, but better than nothing. _

"Well, from what Marty's told me, this team is like a family to him. And you, as his partner… It's a pretty important relationship, I gathered. I wanted to make a good impression." Alexis chuckled self-consciously, and pulled a rebellious curl behind her ear. "It feels pretty weird coming into a tight-knit group like this. I mean, look at the bunch of you." With a small laugh, she indicated at the table.

With one look, Kensi saw what she meant. Nell and Eric, at one end of the table, were engaged in a spirited debate; Callen and Sam were joking together at the other. Hetty had opted out of dinner, so the entire table was segmented into groups in deep conversation. And, she knew, had Deeks not brought her as a date, she and Deeks would be exactly the same. He'd be making a saucy comment about her ass in these jeans, and she'd be calling him a pig, or some equivalent, and the bantering would commence. Theirs was not an easy group to break into. And they were not easy people to get close to.

For a second, Kensi felt sorry for Alexis.

"I know what you mean." Softly. "We're a bit… Closed off, I guess. But, you know…" She looked up at Alexis. She was a bit wide-eyed, but clearly well-meaning.

_Damn it. _Kensi thought. _I like the bitch._

"…any friend of Deeks', you know?" Kensi finished weakly, retreating to her menu, a safe place to hide the slight uptake in water in her eyes. "So, what looks good?"

X

After the initial lag, the conversation had an uptake once the wine arrived. Soon the entire table was enthralled in conversation; the central topic: Alexis, the newcomer.

"So, Alexis, you're a researcher at the museum. That must be _fascinating._" After a few glasses of wine, Nell was getting more than a little loopy.

Alexis scrunched up her nose. "Actually, it gets pretty dull sometimes. I basically just sit in my corner, reading up about the artefacts. It's nice and peaceful though." She nods slowly. "Not like your job." She looked around the table smiling.

Kensi felt her shoulders tense considerably at the mention of the job. What did Deeks say she thought they did?

"It must be so exciting to be detectives."

"O-oh… Yeah, right. It's pretty exciting. You know… most days." She hastily took a sipful of her wine, and let the boys continue the conversation with the standard modest brush offs. While the boys started exchanging humorous cop-stories (Sam and Callen careful to replace NCIS with LAPD and Agent with Detective each time) for the entertainment of the lady, Kensi noticed Deeks' bicep sliding slowly closer towards Alexis. After a beat she realized Deeks was putting his hand on her knee, most probably stroking her thigh lovingly under the table. A subtle, but not unnoticeable, pink blush rose from Alexis' neck, but she politely kept smiling and nodding and chuckling appropriately at the boys' stories. Then Deeks' arm moved behind her chair, around her shoulders, and he pulled her closer to him until she was cuddling up against his chest.

It was a completely appropriate – they were dating. It was a very boyfriend thing to do.

But _damn_. She felt another irrational surge of jealousy and anger, and felt her cheeks flush.

"Uh… Would you excuse me please?" Kensi said softly, pushed her chair back and retreated to the ladies' room.

Things were getting very confusing, and she was feeling more than a little bit warm.

X

In the ladies' room Kensi dabbed a piece of tissue paper wetted by cold water against the back of her neck, trying desperately to cool herself down. This was upsetting her more than it should have. A warm tear slipped out of the corner of her eye, and she cursed it in a voice a little louder than a whisper.

Bad Ass Blye does not cry. Bad Ass Blye keeps a poker face under intense situations. What was it about this that made her morph into this strange being?

But then, honestly, what did she expect of tonight?

Maybe, just a little, she _did _expect Alexis to be… underwhelming. Maybe she hoped her sexy jeans and some dark eyeliner would make the girlfriend less real. But when she was shimmying past Deeks to get to her seat, she didn't feel his warm blue gaze linger on her silhouette as usual. They were basically _cuddling _at the table, for goodness sake!

With a heavy sigh, she looked herself in the mirror. For a few minutes she fidgeted, wiping furiously at the tear streak, tugging at a few curly strands of hair, smacking her cheeks and blinking until her eyes seemed less watery, and her cheeks less red. Another deep breath, and she picked her handbag up, threw the blackend tissues in the wastebasket, and walked out of the bathroom.

Right into Deeks' chest.

"Whoops!" He called, catching her by the shoulders as they collided. "Sorry. You were in there a while, you okay?"

"Yeah. Yeah, I'm fine. Just one of those days, ya know?" If it were anyone else, her lie would've been flawless, but the crinkle in his brow told her he didn't believe her in the least.

"Alright." He nodded, but made no move to walk down the hall back to their table. "So what do you think of Alexis?"

_Loaded question much._

"She seems… nice." _But she's not me. _"She's different than the others." _But so am I. _

"You sure?" He raised one eyebrow, and she sensed something like _worry _in his voice. Despite the many times he said it, for the first time she really realized how important her opinion of this girl was to him. And how important, by implication, this girl was to him too.

Was it really fair of her to ruin his chance of happiness with a nice, normal researcher, who had a dog, and friends, and _dimples_, who liked enough to introduce to the team so soon in the relationship, just because she was in love with him? Even if everything worked out in her favour, if she threw out a heartfelt, teary-eyed confession, he fell to his knees and confessed the same feelings towards her, dumped Alexis and they drove off into the sunset like the couple at the end of a romcom… where would that leave them?

What would the shelf-life for their relationship be? They'd never be able to have a healthy, normal relationship. She could never give him a picket fence, or a backyard for kids to run around in… or kids?

So, for what felt like the millionth time in a span of less than a month, she swallowed an enormous knot in her throat, and plastered on a fake smile. "I like her Deeks. I do."

A wide smile, and what must be blush, spread over his face. "Good. _Good_. Cause she's… she's really great, Kens. And I know things might a little tense right now, bringing her to meet the team so soon, but… She's a game-changer, ya know?"

She nodded, and for a moment averted her eyes.

"Hey, are you sure you're okay?" He placed one warm palm on her shoulder. With the sleeveless top, her shoulder was bare and the skin on skin contact sent warm sparks tingling through her nerve endings. She tried not to visually melt. "You know… you can talk to me, right Fern? If you felt… weird, or something. I mean…"

"I'm fine, Deeks." She snapped. "I'm just having a bad day, and I was running late and stuff, so… I like her, okay? Leave it at that."

Thankfully, he did.

As they walked back to the table through the narrow hallway, his warm palm guided her at the small of her back, and his jaw was set in discomfort.

After a few minutes of tense atmosphere at the table, she feigned a headache and skipped dessert. She headed home to drown her sorrows with Rocky Road ice cream, beer and Titanic. As she was falling asleep on the couch, she realized that this might be the first time in a year or more that she'd watched Titanic without Deeks.

* * *

**Hope it was worth the wait. Please review! Feedback totally rocks!**

**Much love, **

**Zanny**


	4. Chapter 4

**Realizations: Chapter 4**

**Hi guys! Thanks for the wonderful feedback. I promise to update faster from now on! Just want to clear a few things up:**

**1. Yes, this is a story of romance between Deeks and Kensi, though it may not seem that way right now.**

**2. Alexis is not a spy or a serial killer or anything weird. She's a really nice girl. Which complicates the situation and Kensi's feelings even further. The reason I'm writing her this way is to create a realistic situation and real emotions in Kensi. **

**3. It may seem like Deeks is throwing their relationship in her face by insisting they meet, and not acknowledging her feelings. But he's not. I'll expand on his reaction a bit more in this chapter.**

**Disclaimer: Nothing is mine**

* * *

_What the hell is going on? _Deeks lay in his bed staring at the ceiling, in deep thought.

Beside him, Alexis was breathing gently; she was really beautiful when she slept. He watched as a little smile tugged at the corners of her mouth as she slept. And the feeling he got just then… that feeling was just the problem.

On one hand, he felt the bubbling of happiness in his chest. She was amazing. She really was. And he was in love.

He had never had a girl like this… and he knew, if he could keep from messing this up, they could have a real relationship. Make a real life together. Do everything, the big wedding, the house by the sea, the kids with blonde hair and dimples… The kids would be diabolically cute. He had never felt that before. Especially not this early in a relationship. They were moving fast; less than a month and she was meeting his friends. They were spending nights at each other's places. Things were getting serious, and they were getting serious fast. Strangely, neither he nor Alexis seemed at all bothered by this.

What _was _bothering him, however, was Kensi. And it was creating a tense discomfort in him, lying next to Alexis and feeling so conflicted about his partner. When he fell so hard and fast for Alexis, he thought that would be the end of all of the drama and confusion about his and Kensi's "thing". She had never been bothered about his flings before. She had busted his chops about the quality of girls she'd had to save him from in dates gone bad, and he'd expected that from her. Teasing him about blushing and such, saying he's whipped… But he never expected her to react like that. At the dinner that night, she'd been uncomfortable, distant and… dare he say it?

She had shown up in what he's always referred to as her "date-jeans". The jeans she always wore on her dates (that he also sometimes had to extract her from with a jealous-boyfriend act) or when she had to flirt it up with a suspect. They did amazing things for her derriere. Even more amazing than the standard version. He had to make a conscious effort to avoid his usual up-and-down ogling of her figure. Which was wrong. He had a gorgeous girlfriend. _Sitting next to him. _And he was still having a serious problem with appreciating the almost obscene sexiness of his partner. Or reaching over the table, taking her hand, and asking her why she was acting so weirdly. Or making a joke at his own expense to get her smiling. That urge he couldn't resist. He did that several times; it didn't work. Barely got him a smile.

When she excused herself to the ladies' room, he gave it a few minutes and then followed. Just to see if she was okay. Her eyes were a little red and swollen when she came out; she'd been crying.

The conclusion was inevitable.

Kensi Blye was _jealous_. And not just a little jealous, like she'd get when he'd flirt with a yoga bunny or something, that could be playfully joked away. She was _seriously _jealous. That explained her reaction to hearing about Alexis at the bar; it explained her discomfort at the restaurant. And it suggested something forbidden; it suggested feelings that exceeded that of partners and friends…

What remained unexplained was how Kensi had moved from completely ignoring the existence of their "thing", to feeling enough for him to get jealous and cry in the bathroom.

He could've reacted a million ways when he saw her coming teary-eyed from the bathroom. He could've hugged her and asked her what was wrong – that might've gotten him a mean tongue-lashing, or even a knee to the groin. He could've completely ignored it – and he'd come off and feel like a completely asshole. Instead he awkwardly stumbled over responses. Went from insecure, to gushing over the girl (not the best idea in hindsight), to… being overly concerned? Which, as he predicted, got him the rash, angry brush off. She left moments later, without dessert (a sure sign of distress from Kensi Blye).

So, in short, Deeks was feeling pretty damn conflicted.

Beside him, Alexis turned in her sleep and curled into him, her hand moving to his chest and resting over his heart. Smiling down at her, he took her and in his and interlocked their fingers.

This was one hell of a confusing situation. And as he stared up at the ceiling, he decided he needed to do something about it.

X

She was waken by a shrill ringing. Opening her eyes, she discovered that she was curled up into her couch with the tv still on and a nasty crick in her neck. She felt around on the coffee table until she found the phone and clicked answer.

"Hello." Her voice as groggy and husky.

"Miss Blye." It was Hetty. "I'm sorry to call this early. We just got an important case, and I need everyone in ops as soon as possible."

"Alright Hetty. I'll be right in."

Hanging up, Kensi threw the phone on the couch beside her. Her head ached; she remembers crying all last night, and not only when Jack died.

But, she decided, that last night was the end of it. This jealous behaviour… it just wasn't professional, it wasn't productive and it wasn't _her_. Last night she met the girl, she freaked out a bit, she cried herself to sleep… she got it out of her system. Now she had to stop, and get the hell over it.

So, she's got feelings for Deeks. And he's got a girlfriend now. So what? When would it have been okay for them to get together anyway? Never.

She was just going to have to swallow her pride and move forward. Move past _him_. It wouldn't be easy; she sees him every day, after all. But that was just the way it was. And Kensi Blye never backed down from a challenge or a fight; no matter how difficult it was or how much it hurt.

Sighing, she pulled herself slowly up, stretched the sort muscles of her neck from side to side, and went to the bathroom. She cringed when she saw her face in the mirror. Her skin was red and blotchy, her hair oily and unwashed, and streaks of eyeliner lined her face from crying her make up off last night. She went to work on washing her face, tying up her hair and getting dressed. She was just finishing the buttons on her shirt, when she heard a knock on her door.

She opened it, and found a rather unexpected sight. Marty Deeks, smiling widely, with a tray of coffees in his one hand.

"Morning partner."

"Hey, what are you doing here?"

He lifted up the coffees. "Got us coffees. It _is _my turn to carpool, isn't it?"

She nodded, trying not to appear as breathless as she was finding him at her door right now. "Yeah, it is. I'm almost ready to go, actually. Wanna come in and wait?"

He nodded, taking off his sunglasses as he entered her house, and handing her her coffee cup. "Movie night?" He asked, nodding his head in the direction of her couch, still in disarray.

"Yeah. Couldn't get to sleep." She quickly picked up the empty ice cream carton and potato chip bags, and hid the evidence in the kitchen sink.

"So Titanic and rocky road, huh?" With a cheeky smile.

"Yup." She grabbed her bag, stuffing her wallet and phone inside, and clipped her gun onto her waistband. "Alright. I'm ready to go."

"Are you really okay, Kens?" He asked. She looked over at him, and stopped in her tracks. He was standing with his arms crossed in front of his chest, his blue eyes serious and meeting hers straight on. "I mean… you said you were okay, but… Are you?"

"Deeks, I'm fine." To support her answer, she smiled at him, but he didn't loosen up. Well, this was a first for them.

"It's just that… you've been reacting really weirdly… about Alexis. And I just want to make sure you're okay with me being in a… you know, a serious relationship. I mean, we've always had our…" His gaze faltered a bit. "Our "thing"."

Saying it out loud made her stomach drop. She had to take a deep breath before she replied.

"Listen, Deeks. I'm sorry that I acted weirdly. But I'm okay now. And it won't be weird anymore. Alright?" She smiled again, and moved to touch his forearm reassuringly. He pulled away though.

"See, I'm not sure that I believe that." She frowned, and felt a new tenseness in her shoulders. "You said you were fine when I told you guys about her at the bar. You freaked out. And last night… I just think we need to talk it out, you know? We haven't said more than two words about what's been going on between us since the beginning, and…"

"What's going on between us?" She was angry now, and her voice rose by its own accord. "What's going on between us, Deeks?"

He scoffed. "Seriously, Kens? We're still not-..?" He shook his head, and turned, almost heading to the door, but he stopped himself. "No, we need to talk about this. We need to talk about this right now. You know very well what's going on between us. We've had this… this _chemistry _since the very beginning, and we flirt all the time, but we never, ever talk about it. Not unless one of us goes rogue, or gets fake-fired, or whatever, and then it's like two awkward words and we go on ignoring it again… And I'm tired of it." He shook his head slowly again. "I've been tired of it a long time. And now… now we can't ignore it anymore, because now it actually matters that I've got an ambiguous non-relationship with my partner, because it can ruin something that's actually real."

She felt those damn tears start up again, and she clenched her jaw.

"I need to know, Kens." His voice wavered ever so slightly. "I need to know if there could ever be _anything _between us… more. Because I need to know that. I need to know, honestly, if we could ever become more than friends. I need that… that closure. So I can either move on and build something with Alexis…" She felt the knot in her throat triple in size. "Or end it. Cause I can't in good conscious keep a relationship going with her if I've got you in the back of my mind all the time. I just… I just can't."

She felt like she was choking. At a loss for words, she blinked, trying to will away the tears, but they fell and raced down warm, salty rivulets over her cheeks.

Deeks was moving closer to her; he cupped her cheek and wiped away the tears.

"Just tell me now, Kens." He said, his voice barely above a whisper. "Tell me what you're thinking."

His proximity, the warmth of his hand on her skin, and the racing, conflicted thoughts were killing her.

Her heart was screaming _Yes! _But the logical part of her brain reared its ugly head, and all of the rationalizations began running through her head again.

They worked together; their partnership would be forever changed. Possibly ruined. How could they trust each other with their lives if they were in the middle of a fight? Or had a messy break up? And even if they lasted… what kind of life could they have? They were both emotionally scarred people; they both had their issues. And combining that with their risk-filled jobs… There was no chance for a normal life. For a home, and kids… He would be such an amazing dad. And despite what she said when they were in deep cover as Justin and Melissa, and despite her one-day desire for kids… Logically, she knew it just wasn't smart.

He was still waiting for an answer. She knew she's been keeping him on a string for some time now, but his blue gaze remained patient, and he didn't push.

As much as she tried to voice her thoughts, though, no sound could come from her throat.

"Kens?"

Slowly, and with incredible difficulty, she finally replied the only way she could. With a slow, sad shake of the head.

Deeks' head lowered and he smiled with what she could only construe as disappointment. "Alright." He lowered his hand and smiled reassuringly at her. "Okay. You wanna get out of here?"

With her eyes now watery all over again, and the thought of being stuck with him in a car right now felt overwhelming. She shook her head no. "No, I still… I just remembered I got a few stuff to do. You go ahead. I'll catch up."

He nodded, and silently left.

She heard his car start up, and heard the sound of the engine fade away as he drove down the street. And once she couldn't hear the sound of the car anymore, she fell down onto her couch and let the tears flow freely.

* * *

**There it is… So obviously things weren't going to be easy for Densi to get together. Not with Kensi being as stubborn as she is. I hope you guys aren't disappointment, but I promise this **_**is **_**a Densi fic. Let me know what you guys think so far.**

**Much love,**

**Zanny**


	5. Chapter 5

**Realizations: Chapter 5**

**Thanks so much for all the wonderful feedback! This fic is my first time writing again after a pretty long break, and you guys make it so rewarding and easy.**

**Disclaimer: Nothing is mine**

* * *

The day dragged on forever. She had arrived in ops looking decidedly gloomy; sunglasses covering what had to be blotchy, red eyes, mouth downturned and completely silent. The boys thankfully didn't ask her about it. Deeks was completely absent.

She had figured it'd be awkward today. In hindsight, it probably wasn't the best idea ever to have such a relationship-altering conversation before going to work… Especially not considering how much she regretted her reply.

Yes, she made the logical decision. The smart decision. The _best _decision. But she hated herself for it.

Looking across the room at Deeks, staring intently at the big screen in ops, she felt herself almost welling up. He was so damned beautiful… And he had handed himself on a platter to her. He had told her that he'd leave Alexis for her. Well not in those words, but basically. And she had done the logical, smart, _best _thing, and said no. She knew it was the right decision, rationally. But her heart was screaming out at him… The entire day she was fighting the urge to grab his arm, pull him into a storage room, and pour out all of her feelings into one unbelievable kiss. Show him everything she was feeling for him…

After a very, _very _long day of crime fighting and awkwardness, her resistance was wearing thin.

"It's been a long day." Hetty said, seemingly appearing out of nowhere to bid the team goodnight. "I suggest you all go home, get a good night's rest, and I'll see you all tomorrow morning." She shifted her bespectacled gaze to Kensi, as if to say _Especially you, Miss Blye._

Silently, she watched as the team tiredly moved to leave, getting their things together and bidding goodbye. And she heard that familiar taunting sound coming from Deeks' phone. A text message.

She watched him take the phone out, look at the screen and smile. It was Alexis, probably setting up a rendezvous at one of their houses.

Then his eyes shot up self-consciously in her direction, and she watched him awkwardly put the phone back in his pocket. She smiled reassuringly at him, and he smiled back at her. That cheeky, crooked smile of his, that always lit up a room. She swallowed; this was for the best, right? She still had their partnership. Their amazing, amazing friendship.

Right?

"G'night, Fern." He said in that usual joking tone of his, and waved goodbye.

She watched him go.

"For the best." She whispered to herself, when his footsteps faded to nothing. As she let her head fall onto her crossed arms on her desk, she thought, _Did I make the biggest mistake of my life this morning?_

X

"So how was your day?" Alexis asked, trying to get a good grip of her noodles with her chopsticks. "You seem kinda… I don't know… distracted?"

Deeks lifted up his head, a bit surprised at her question. "It was… it was a long day. Bad case." He scrunched his nose and left it at that. "All better now, though." He said, extending his hand across the table to squeeze her hand. She felt her cheeks warm up.

He could always do that to her. Make her blush like a school girl. Since their first meeting, she was rendered to a preteen with a crush when he smiled that knee-jellying smile of his. He really was a terrific guy. He was smart, he was funny, he was _gorgeous_… and their relationship was moving pretty fast. Usually she would've been alarmed by this. She was a naturally cautious person, but there was something about Marty that made her feel safe and comfortable…

That was until she met his partner the night before.

Marty had told her about his partner when he first suggested she meet his co-workers. He told her that she was a good-looking woman, and he told her that they had a close relationship. Which she could certainly understand, given their work. But he had assured her they were only partners and friends. Still, she was naturally nervous meeting this important figure in her boyfriends' life, and impressing her.

Well, let's just say she was more than a little surprised by Kensi. Yes, she was beautiful. She was _intimidatingly _beautiful, but she had been warned about that. What surprised her was the partner's behaviour throughout the night. She started out tense and distant; something Alexis quickly wrote off to nerves or suspicion. Their group was extremely tight-knit, and she could imagine that she seemed like a bit of an intruder. So she had done the friendly thing and engaged her in a conversation.

Things were okay for a while after that; then Kensi disappeared to the ladies' room, and Marty followed not long after. They stayed away for a while, and when they returned Kensi looked like she had been crying, and she left quickly thereafter without dessert. On the way home, Marty evaded the subject. He seemed joking and casual, but she suspected that was his way of hiding it… Hiding whatever was going on between them. She didn't think they were together. But there was definitely…. _Something_.

Finishing the last of his dinner, Deeks took away their plates and settled next to his girlfriend on the couch, pulling her closer to him and kissing the top of her head gently. His movements were slow and tired, and Alexis contemplated if this was the wrong time to mention this… but she couldn't keep it in anymore.

"Hey, Marty?"

"Yeah, babe?" He was playing with a wayward curl, twirling it around his finger.

"I was just wondering… about your partner, Kensi?"

She was ready for the same brush-off she got the first time. But Deeks turned his torso to face her completely, looked her straight in the eye and spoke in a warm voice. "Alexis, I knew that Kensi might be an obstacle. But trust me, Kensi and I are only friends. And we're never going to be anything but friends. You really have nothing to worry about. I promise."

The way he said it was different than the other times he spoke about Kensi. The usual warmth that accompanied her name wasn't there. If she really analysed it, she could swear there was a glimmer of bittersweet sadness in his blue gaze. But there was also an absolute certainty; she could tell that he was telling her the truth. Uncertain of how else to react, she nodded mutely. After a few more moments of staring intently, Deeks lowered his head and brought their lips together for a sweet kiss.

"I love you." She blurted, her voice a little more than a whisper.

Realizing what she said, she opened her eyes to see him looking more than a little startled. "I-I'm sorry, I didn't mean… It's too soon, I'm sorry, I-…"

He cut her off with another kiss, and when she felt him smile against her lips, she relaxed into the kiss and decided that she was completely and absolutely _okay _with this. This was the most wonderful relationship she's ever had, and the most wonderful man she's ever had.

And she was happy. Kensi Blye be damned.

* * *

**I wanted to human-ize Alexis a bit further by showing her emotions and insecurities as well. It's important to me that you all understand the dilemma Deeks is in. He isn't just choosing between girl-of-his-dreams-Kensi and Alexis. He is choosing between two human beings, who are both wonderful in ways, and flawed in ways. Coming up: Kensi tries to maintain their old friendship with her still-burning feelings and Deeks being with Alexis.**

**Much love,**

**Zanny**


	6. Chapter 6

**Realizations: Chapter 6**

**Thanks again for the positive feedback! I feel so wonderful and motivated! Love you all!**

**I probably won't be updating as fast for a butnow, since I'm going to be on holiday and will only be able to use that internet connection sticky thing, so my connection won't be awesome. I'll continue ASAP though… I apologize for any delay..**

**Disclaimer: Nothing is mine**

* * *

It's been two and a half weeks of this. Two and a half weeks of courteous professionalism, of friendly and harmless jokes only, and absolutely _zero _flirting.

She can't take it anymore.

Even from the first moment they met, when he was Jason Wyler and she was Tracy, they've been swimming in their sexual tension, flirting at every stop. And all the while she'd been arguing for professionalism. She was so _wrong._

Because this is so, so _weird._

At first she had thought the new distance between them was a good idea. Struggling with her ever-present and – damn it – _growing _feelings for her sexy, _taken _partner wouldn't exactly be made any easier if he was standing right up next to her like he usually did, whispering innuendos into her ear the way he usually did, and they were hanging out pretty much every second after work. Yes, they still worked together, and well; even better than most. But anyone could see that things were different. They weren't as in synch as they were before… they were careful around each other. Delicate. With their _situation_ always hanging heavily in the air.

Like when they were working the last case, and she had to dress up and flirt to get the suspect to talk. Nothing new. She put on high heels and a form-fitting dress, giggled like a schoolgirl and ran her hand suggestively over the suspect's shoulder and arm – absolutely routine. But it was so, so different. At first she thought that it was just the glaring absence of the usual flirting that always accompanied her being in a dress. There were no shivers running down her spine as she felt his warm gaze raking over her as he took in her latest, purposefully sensational outfit… In fact, there wasn't anything. He didn't utter a word over the com. Not one. Not even a _professional _one.

And when she returned to ops, she didn't get a peep either. She had walked up to him, intending… she didn't know what she intended. She just wanted to egg a reaction out of him, maybe. One inappropriate comment about her ass in that dress, just for the road. But his eyes were steely and empty, and he walked away from her before she could say anything, without as much as a 'goodbye'. The next day, he had seemed to cool down, but there was no denying the weirdness still lingered.

One of the biggest rationalizations Kensi during her decision was that she was saving her and Deeks' partnership and friendship. The best she had ever had… And now even that was being ruined.

Things needed to get back to normal. And today, she was going to get things back to normal. No matter how much it hurt…

"Hey, Deeks." She said as casually as she could muster, when the boys were off sparring in the gym and they were in the bullpen all alone. "You doing anything tonight?"

He looked up from his paperwork, wide-eyed. "Uh, actually no. Alexis is going to see her mom in San Francisco this weekend."

"You wanna-…" She cursed the hesitation in her voice, and cleared her throat as if it was just a tickle and not a timid tremble. "You wanna do movie night at my place after work?" The _like old times _was left unsaid, but it hung in the air like a banner.

After a moment, and being able to _hear _the cogs in Deeks' brain turning, he answered. "Sure. Titanic?"

She had missed that cheeky, mischievous glint in his eyes more than she could ever put into words. A smile spread over her face and she shrugged. "Hadn't seen it in a while."

Deeks nodded. "Me neither. I'll bring Chinese?"

"I've got beer and ice cream."

"Awesome."

Tonight, she was going to get things back to normal. She was going to be friendly, and funny, and not at all awkward, and the friendship was going to get re-established. She couldn't take another minute without her Deeks. Even if she had to bite her tongue and push back her feelings for him, she was going to at least get that back.

X

He showed up at seven, the usual time, with a bag of delicious-smelling Chinese in one hand.

"Hey partner." He greeted her, grinning.

"Hey."

She moved back and let him enter, taking him in as he bent down to place the bag of take-out on the coffee table. He was wearing a dark grey t-shirt and she wondered if he picked it out purposely to torture her. His hair was glowing gold in the low evening light, tousled and unkempt. And despite his casualness, she could sense that he wasn't as completely relaxed as he pretended.

And her standing silently in the doorway wasn't helping, so…

"Uh, beers in the fridge if you want. Wanna start the movie?"

X

Maybe they had gone a little overboard with the beer. Neither of them were lightweights, but they drank her entire stock out within a couple of hours, and moved on to the half-full bottle of whiskey that she kept in the cupboard, and before she knew it they were laughing and joking and it was like old times again.

They started out with the normal things; work, weather… But as their blood alcohol levels rose, the conversation took a familiar turn to their signature scathing banter. The familiarity of it was nice, and she revelled in it, ruffling his fluffy hair and calling him shaggy, cracking jokes about his resemblance to his dog. The old Deeks was back tonight too. She let herself get lost in the flurry of emotions hanging out with Deeks always brought, but she hadn't experienced in so long: laughing till she cried, getting angry, forgiving him completely moments later, getting competitive, giving in, feeling both high as a kite and completely deflated at the same time…

He was in the midst of mocking her obsession with romantic movies, with special reference to Titanic whose end credits were just finishing up, when the words fell out of her mouth before she could stop them.

"I lied."

He looked up at her, eyes wide and confused for a moment, until the confusion morphed into terrified realization moments later. "Y-you-..?"

Her hand flew over her mouth as she realized the gravity of what she had just said. She scrunched her eyes closed, wishing with all her might to undo those words. "I-I… I'm sorry." She stuttered.

"What do you mean you lied, Kens?"

She shook her head. She couldn't do it anymore. She couldn't lie to him. Her own weakness, his Pacific-blue eyes, plus the alcohol in her system, was just making it too hard.

"When I said I didn't… When I said we could never be together. I didn't mean it, I… I just thought… You deserve better, Deeks. You deserve better than me, you deserve normal… You deserve Alexis…" Her voice was wavering dangerously, but she was on a roll and Deeks, dumbfounded, wasn't showing any signs of interrupting her. "So I thought it was the right decision to let you… move on. But I can't lie anymore. It's too hard. Because… I love you. I do. I can't stop, no matter how hard I try. I want to be with you, I want to spend every minute with you... I can't go back to just friends, because even _then_ it wasn't just friends! I was just too stupid to see what I had, until I couldn't have it anymore. Until it was too late."

The tears were escaping her eyes, tracing warm, salty paths down her cheeks, and she wiped at them furiously.

"I know that… It's too late. I told you to let me go, and move on with your nice, smart, gorgeous girlfriend, who loves you and who you love, and-"

"I don't."

She looked up at Deeks' unexpected words. They were spoken in a fragile voice, that she could never have imagined coming from him. But then again, she never imagined him saying _those _words to her. Not even in her wildest of dreams.

"Y-you-?"

"I don't." He repeated. "Love her, I mean. She said it; she said she loves me. And I couldn't say it back." He swallowed hard. "I mean, I _like _her. I like her a lot. She's… she's everything that I've looked for, but…"

Her gaze had shifted to the floor during his speech, and he tilted her chin upwards with one finger so she could meet his gaze.

"She's not the problem. I'm the problem. I'm in love with someone else."

She must've leaned forward then. Or he did. Or they both did? Whatever the case, someone leaned, and before she could make sense of anything, their lips were touching and they were kissing. The kind of kissing that reminded her of a person coming up for air after almost drowning, or diving into an oasis after crawling across a desert. The kind of kissing that was both brain-numbingly gentle, and toe-curlingly passionate. The kind of kissing that made her lie down on the couch and dive her fingers into his golden locks, and get absolutely lost in the sensations.

The last thought that crossed her mind, before things crossed the point where cognitive brain function wasn't a factor anymore, was:

_This is going to be _so _bad… _

_But it feels _so _right._

* * *

**Alright a little bit cheesy at the end, but you guys got your Densi. Coming up: the unravelling of the Alexis-plotline, and what happens next for our lovebirds? Please let me know what you think!**

**Much love, **

**Zanny**


	7. Chapter 7

**Realizations: Chapter 7**

**Thanks so much for all the feedback!**

**Disclaimer: Nothing is mine**

* * *

When Kensi opened her eyelids, heavy exhaustion, she was greeted with a sight she never in her life thought she'd see. Beside her, his tanned face and mussed-up golden bedhead illuminated by the early morning sunlight streaming out of her bedroom window, her partner, Marty Deeks was lying. He was staring at her with wide, frightened blue eyes.

"Did we-...?"

His voice was husky and gruff, having just woken up, but she detected something fear-like and panicky in his voice.

She had to take a moment to realign her thoughts and regain control of her voice, before she answered.

"No."

X

"_I can't." She felt his words vibrating against her lips before her frazzled mind, in complete sensory overload, could even begin to decipher the meaning. When he pulled away, half a beat later, all she muster was an unintelligible sound of confusion and disappointment._

"_I can't." He said. "I'm sorry, Kens. I didn't lie, I do-… I love you." He took another deep breath, and she felt her stomach dropped as she sensed the inevitable BUT coming on. "But I can't betray Alexis like that…"_

_She nodded, muttering an 'I understand'. If his loyalty wasn't one of the things she loved most about him, she might've been annoyed. Instead she settled in and enjoyed the best she could get from him; cuddling close, enjoying the warmth of his body next to hers. _

X

As Deeks started to remember the previous night, and realization and relief dawned on his face, Kensi tried not to feel hurt that he was happy they _didn't _do anything the night previous.

"I just… I need to end it with Alexis, before things get any more serious. It's not fair to her. She deserves better."

Nodding, Kensi lay mutely and watched as her partner got up, gathered his things, and with a whispered goodbye left to set things right.

Falling back onto her back, as much as she tried, Kensi couldn't feel as at ease at she wanted to.

The night had been like a breath of fresh air – even before her impromptu confession of love, and the very unexpected returning of feelings. One part of her wanted to smile wide and enjoy the euphoric feeling of being in love, and knowing your feelings are reciprocated. All the feelings that the last few weeks have been throwing at her - confusion, anger, jealousy... - were being resolved in the most amazing way she could have imagined... He loved her too! And his kisses... The other side of her, the nagging realist, reminded her that the fact that Deeks loved her too and kissed her, definitely didn't mean that they were riding off into the sunset to live happily ever after. Things were so complicated, and they probably weren't going to get any simpler any time soon… That part of her was thankful that Deeks had ended things the night before, before things had escalated farther than they had. Things weren't going to be simple now, but it would be _way _simpler than it would've been had they actually slept together.

She wanted him yes, more than she had wanted anyone before, and she couldn't wait till she had the right to kiss him and do all the other things that often followed kissing... But right now she knew she didn't.

As the sound of his car's engine started up, and faded down the street, she squeezed her eyes closed, ran a hand tired through her hair, and sent up asilent prayer that things would end painlessly and _soon._

X

In the earlier hours of the morning, Alexis was woken by an annoying buzzing sound coming from her bedside table. She groaned, and had a quick internal to-and-fro to decide whether she should get up and answer or not. After a few moments, she sighed heavily and raised a heavy limb and patted around on the table to find the offending device and raise it to her ear.

"Hello-?" She answered.

No reply came.

She looked at the screen and rolled her eyes when she saw the "One new voicemail"-bubble pop up onto the screen. Just missed it.

She dialled the number and raised her phone back up, listening to the automated voice say: _You have one new voicemail. –click-_

_Hey baby. Wanted to hear how you were, but I guess I was a little early.._. A smile spread over Alexis' face at the sound of her boyfriends' voice. Things have been going well. Marty was a gem; sweet, supportive… sure, he hadn't spoken to her about work since the little debacle about his partner weeks ago, and evaded the subject of meeting up with his friends again every time she mentioned it… But things were good. Things were very good. She had told her mom about him, which she never did, and was debating a visit in Los Angeles, so they could meet. Then the message took a turn: _Listen… We need to talk about something, and I don't want to do it over the phone. Nothing happened, don't worry, I just-… _There was a beeping on the line, and she heard a muffled curse under his breath. _Damn, that's work. I gotta take this, I'm sorry… I'll call you tonight. And we'll talk. Bye._

The automated voice spoke up again: _End of message. To-_

Alexis cut her off, frowning at the phone. What was that? "We need to talk"?

One name popped up in Alexis' mind: Kensi.

Her face suddenly became very hot, and her head was rushing with a flurry of thoughts. He had said nothing happened. Didn't that just say everything? She leaves LA for a freaking weekend and the woman already steals her man? She sat up in bed, and raked shaking fingers through her bedhead, taking long, deep breaths to try and steady herself. _Don't be an idiot. _She thought to herself, _Marty said nothing was going on, and nothing would ever go on… He seemed so sure, remember. He's honest, he's good… He won't cheat… He won't cheat…_

"Honey, you alright in there?" Her mom's voice sounded from the other room.

"Yeah, I'm fine mom." Her voice sounded timid and squeaky, and it bothered her, so she cleared her throat loudly and repeated herself.

"You want some breakfast?"

She made an affirmative noise, and then got up to go to the en-suite bathroom to wash her face and calm herself properly.

X

The OSP was tense when she entered, hair still a bit of a mess and the last night's eyeliner only half washed off her face.

"What's up?" She asked the room.

Everyone was standing there, staring at the big screens, looking very, very serious indeed. Deeks was there too, his arms crossed and that little crinkle between his eyebrows that always bothered her when it appeared. There was serious trouble, when even Deeks was frowning.

"We have a national emergency, Miss Blye. That's what's up." She nearly jumped when she heard Hetty from behind her.

She looked up at the screen, and was shocked into silence by what she saw.

She drew a deep and shaky breath. "Oh no…"

* * *

**Okay, since I'm the considering author that I am, who reads reviews and try to integrate requests as much as I can, I tried to make most people happy with this chapter. But I must apologize: I'm not bringing in a love interest for Kensi. Though I agree that it's a very good idea, it wasn't part of my original set up and is too much of a change to bring it in now, at least not in the way I'd like to. If a cute boy comes onto the scene now, it won't be meaningful enough. **

**I do need you guys' help though: the case part wasn't part of my original set up, and though I have a good idea of how to integrate an important case, I need a good, interesting and, most importantly, **_**difficult and shocking **_**national emergency. Help me out with ideas?**

**As always, feedback is appreciated.**

**Much love, **

**Zanny**


	8. Chapter 8

**Realizations: Chapter 8**

**Sorry for the long wait! I had some trouble writing this chapter, and being on vacation made it just too easy to slack off and do other things. Thanks to all the reviewers for your feedback and input. I'll try my best to make this fic as enjoyable as possible for most of you, but I still want to stay on course with my original "vision", if I can call it that… I also apologize that writing cases aren't my speciality. I try to keep it as vague and non-specific as possible, but that won't work in this case, so I'm treading new ground here. Special thanks to SunnyCitrus10, whose idea is helping me guide through unchartered territory. Apologies for any inaccuracies with the description of the bomb, or about details about the malls. I've never been, just googled "biggest mall Los Angeles" and the name sprung up. Forgive any mistakes or stupidness.**

**Disclaimer: Nothing is mine**

* * *

There was a foggy, slightly pixelated photo blown up on the big screen, probably taken by a camera phone. Despite its poor quality, everyone could make out exactly what it was of.

A very, very large bomb, by the amount of packets of what was probably C4 stacked under a LCD-screen, in what seemed to be a very commercial, populated space. The bomb was being concealed by a bright blue tarp, disguising it as a harmless and simple commercial gimmick – maybe something to be given away in a competition? – and keeping the blurs of people casually walking past it on a tiled floor, shopping bags overwhelming arm, oblivious to the danger they're in. The photographer had apparently chosen the perfect moment to snap the shot; with very little traffic that could notice the hidden article's maliciousness as he lifted the tarp, but enough oncoming to reveal the location as a populated.

"Where?" Sam asked simply.

"We don't know." Eric replied. "We tried to trace their location with the phone, but the signal keeps jumping around."

"So we're looking at an anonymous large shopping centre or mall in Los Angeles." Deeks said. "Sure narrows it down. There isn't any insignia, or whatever, to give away the name of the place?"

"None."

"We should probably start alerting management, of the major shopping centres in the area, to evacuate the buildings as quickly and calmly as possible?" Callen suggested.

"It'll cause enormous panic." Nell whispered, but Hetty nodded in confirmation at her, and she got to work alerting the largest, nearest shopping centres and the local PD.

"Can you go in closer on the LCD-screen, Mister Beale?" Hetty asked.

Eric tapped a few keys, and enlarged the area of the screen, then went to work on clearing the image up to reveal what the red block letters on the screen were saying.

25:00

They had twenty five minutes to find this thing, and shut it down.

X

With the case in full swing, Deeks should be intensely focused. But every now and then, there was a vibration coming from his jeans' front pocket – Alexis, texting him. And in this most inopportune of moments, he felt the guilt of their situation settle in again. He felt guilty for – unmeant as it may have been – deceiving Alexis. He had, through his actions and words, promised her nothing short of forever. And he would have delivered happily, had there not been one fatal flaw: it wasn't his heart to give away anymore. He had been hopelessly in love with Kensi Blye from the very beginning. He had been enamoured by her as Tracey; when he discovered her true identity, the simple attraction grew into something more. Something intense. It was forbidden, and complicated, but he couldn't stop it.

He took a quick second to send a text to Alexis, alerting her of an important case and promising to talk soon, and then with a weary shake of the head, dispelled the highly inappropriate personal thoughts and returned to his work, contacting the malls. So far no solid leads…

Then: "Deeks?"

He looked up, seeing Kensi standing there beside his desk. Her face was intensely focused, as always with a case. She wasn't Kensi right now. She was Agent Bad-ass Blye. She was one hundred percent, completely in work-mode, as he should be too, he thought.

"Yeah?"

"Hetty says we should get going to the most likely targets, so we'll be close enough to defuse the bomb. You and me need to get to the South Coast Plaza, right now." He nodded brusquely, tossed her the keys, and they were up and off to what she knew to be the largest mall in the city, with several enclosed areas, not just one. His stomach was churning uncomfortably.

Beside him, Kensi was actively thinking of schooling her features, and remaining composed as always.

What a day for an enormous national threat, huh?

X

Alexis drew another shuddery breath, as she read his text.

_Sorry can't talk now. BIG case. Promise I'll call as soon as over. M _

Alexis had gotten texts like this before in their relationship, so she wasn't taken aback by his telegraph-style script; she was however nauseous with worry over the state of her relationship. She had tried to brush Marty's strange voicemail off as something less than an inevitable end, but she was a smart woman… He had called her to set up a meeting as soon as she got back, later in the afternoon, to _talk_. And she knew exactly what that meant.

From the moment she met him, she had been enamoured by the detective. She fell fast, and hard, and knew he had too. But that night, early in their relationship, when he took her to meet his team, and oh-so-importantly, his _partner, _she saw something that made doubt spring up inside of her. It made her feel guilty. Marty had always seemed completely sincere and invested when he was with her. When he looked at her, it was as if she was the only woman in the world, the only one who mattered. She now, in retrospect, had no doubt that Marty had been truthful when he so avidly and convincingly promised there would never be anything between him and Kensi; he had truly believed it at the time. But she had been right too, when she sensed the _something _between the partners. Consummated or not, and whether it was _acknowledged _or not, she was watching two people who were very much involved. There had been another player in their relationship from the very beginning, whether she, Marty or Kensi acknowledged it or not.

It hurt, knowing that. She felt more than a little cheated, out of what could have been a really wonderful relationship. But now, she knew, she couldn't move forward with someone who was in love with someone else. No matter what, that nagging doubt would always be there.

And as mature as she wanted to be, she felt tears sting her eyes.

X

"How long do we have?" Deeks asked into his com.

"Just passing ten minutes." Eric said.

The team was now segmented, rushing to a different major shopping centre in Los Angeles, communicating with Ops and the other team members, as well as experts from the LA Bomb Squad, who were checking out a few centres close to them as well. As far as ops went, this was as much of a group effort as Kensi had ever seen.

As Kensi slid the car into the parking lot, parking in front of the entrance, dodging frantically exiting shoppers and not exactly in a designated space, they heard Sam and Callen report in from . "Nothing here." Callen said. "Management has all the cameras on, says there's no bright blue tarp anywhere on the premises."

As they quickly exited the car, they were met by a flushed, heavy-set woman with wild eyes, wearing a pants-suit. "Hello, are you the law enforcement people?"

They walked and nodded, and she huffed out her words in a panicky tone. "We found it, the t-tarp that you mentioned on the phone. It's here, in the middle of the centre, close to the food court. We're evacuating people now, but it's taking time."

"Guys, we got it. It's in the South Coast Plaza." Kensi reported into her com. "Get the bomb squad guys on alert, we're gonna need all the help we can get."

NCIS had called in people from the bomb squad, and Kensi knew there were a handful of them now in Ops. But the voice coming over the com was disturbingly young to Kensi, and she felt a shiver thinking of having a green bomb guy guiding them through this. There was no room for mistake here.

They rushed down the crowded halls, dodging frantically exiting shoppers, until they reached the big, blue tarp. Getting there took a considerable extent of time; the bomb was cleverly planted dead centre in the largest mall in Los Angeles, and it was a trip to get to its location, without having to navigate the streams of traffic going the opposite direction. Kensi saw Deeks glancing down at his wristwatch several times as they sprinted down the way, and heard a softest of curses under his breath. When they reached it, the bomb was still covered, no doubt to minimise distress from the streams of people. They quickly created a space around the heap, and Kensi pulled the covering off, revealing the bomb they saw in the picture. In reality, the sight of it was even more chilling. Upon the stacks of grey-packaged explosives, a wooden platform was attached, with several wires jumping up from and around the detonator, and springing down into the bags. The LCD screen on the platform was counting down in bright, threatening red numbers.

"Three minutes." Kensi said, breathless, into the com. "Help us out here, guys." She detached the little camera streaming to Ops from her shirt and situated it to get a better view of the device for the Bomb Squad expert.

There was high tension as the expert directed them, in a slightly quivering voice, around the device. "Find the wire attached to the detonator. Trace them – _gently _– with your fingers."

The device was covered in wires, and they started oh-so-carefully scouted through them for a right one. Kensi noticed the slightest tremble in his long, lean fingers, but the only sign of distress on his face was a little crinkle between his brows.

"Found it." He said after a several moments. It had felt like eternity for Kensi, since her search was coming up with nothing but wires dangerously leading to the explosives. As the bomb squad experts mumbled on the line, deciding the best course of action, she took a second to school her expression.

"Strip it." The man on the com said.

Kensi pulled a tool out of her pocket and carefully twirled the plastic covering off of the wires. What she found, the intertwined copper wires beneath, elicited quite a bit of murmurs on the other side of the line. She chanced a glance at Deeks, and their eyes caught. His blue gaze was hellishly intense, and she could tell he was thinking the same thing she was.

"What do we do now, guys?" She asked. She got no answer for a second.

"Cut them." The voice said.

"Are you sure?"

"Less than a minute. We've got seconds here." Deeks said, his voice intense.

"There's no room for mistakes here. Are you sure we should-..?"

Another beat of silence over the com. Then: "Yes." Surer than before, but she had a feeling only for their sake.

Kensi drew a long, shaky breath and closed her cutting tool in on the wires. Her gaze caught Deeks' and she felt herself take pause. As the deep, ocean blue gaze met the mismatched, firey brown pools, fear started to settle in on Kensi in ways she never thought it would again. She had gotten close to her scruffy surfer partner. She had let him in, she had let him steal her heart. And for the first time in a long time – after so avidly insisting to never lose her heart again, not after her father, and not after Jack – she was completely terrified of losing someone. Not just in a partnerly or friendly way; not like Don, painful as it was. She had the most horrible feeling that she wouldn't be able to go on without him. She was so completely invested in this man… There would just be no way…

Then Deeks reached out his hand towards hers, and covered her hand over the tool. The warm brush of the calloused skin of his hand against hers brought an amazing comfort, almost peace.

Together, they slowly closed the tool over the wires, cutting them.

* * *

**Alright then. Let me know what you think. Again, I apologize for any inaccuracies and suckiness. **

**Much love,**

**Zanny**


	9. Chapter 9

**Realizations: Chapter 9**

**I am so, so sorry for taking so long to update! I haven't been near computer, nor internet source in more than a week. I hope everyone will forgive me and that I haven't lost too many readers… Merry Christmas, Hannukah, Kwansa, or whatever you celebrate. And a very happy New Year!**

**Disclaimer: Nothing is mine**

* * *

"Kensi? Deeks?" Callen asked, his voice all fuzzy over the com. "What's your status?"

Kensi's cam, removed to get a better view of the bomb while they figured out how to disarm it, was on the ground now, showing a lovely view of the dust-bunnied tile floors of the mall. Several moments – an _eternity, _it felt like – passed, before reply came. It was Deeks' voice, gruff from the tension, but laced with relief. "We're good. Bomb's diffused, everything's safe."

There was a communal sigh of relief, from all sides – from Callen and Sam, the Ops and the bomb squad men.

"Well done, Mister Deeks, Miss Blye." Hetty said, her voice without waver. "The bomb squad's on the way to the shopping centre to get the bomb and take it to a safe place. You should probably get back to Ops. We've still got a job to do."

No reply or confirmation came, so Eric inquired: "Guys? You alright?"

"Yeah." Came a somewhat breathless reply from Kensi. "Just fine. Back to Ops. On our way." In an unharmed shopping centre at the other side of the city, Sam and Callen exchanged glances; in Ops centre, Hetty and Nell wore identical knowing smirks, and Eric a confused expression.

In the South Coast Plaza, beside a half-covered undetonated bomb, near the food court, Deeks and Kensi were entangled in a breathless embrace – intense feelings of relief, pent-up frustration and, dare say it, _love, _overwhelmed them, leaving them helpless to their feelings. They half-lay tangled up in a hug that left not an inch between their bodies, fingers still intertwined around the clamp that diffused the bomb; cheek to cheek, their lips inching closer and closer, until just a breath away.

Kensi looked up and met the lidded, intensely blue and slightly darkened eyes of her partner. "Just fine." She repeated to no one in particular, her voice barely a whisper.

Deeks' wide, crooked smile lit up his face and she felt his elated chuckle vibrate through his chest, so tightly pressed against hers, and the pure joy that shone from him made a girlish giggle escape from her throat. His mouth – those _insanely _luscious lips of his – opened to speak, and she felt the urge to kiss him strengthen. Just a few millimetres…

"I-I need to-…" He croaked out, and she paused. "I need to make things right first."

With a sigh, adrenaline and serotonin subsided and reality returned to Kensi. She pulled their lips a little farther away, to dampen the temptation, and managed a slow nod.

"Call me tonight?" She asked. This time he nodded, and after another lingering moment in each other's arms, they reluctantly pulled away.

Awkwardly evading the gazes of the scarce passers-by, management, security and so forth, they handed the diffused bomb over to the uniformed authorities that came jogging in and walked towards their SUV haphazardly parked at the entrance. Their fingers gently re-intertwined as they walked back.

X

She was waiting at his apartment when he returned home that night, on his couch with Monty's head resting on her thigh. When he entered, a shadow of guilt fell over him, and he gave her a soft, sad smile.

"Hey Alexis."

"Hey." She offered a smile as well, then patted the space beside her on the couch. "How was work?"

"Major crisis averted. We're still following some leads as to _who _and _how… _but nothing that we can follow through on tonight." He plopped down with a sigh, and Monty – sensing the tense atmosphere and wanting to escape it – sprung off and trotted to a safer resting place. "Not an easy day."

A few silent moments passed, as Deeks drew in breaths and tried to summon up the courage that what would come next would take…

Then something unexpected happened.

Alexis extended a hand, placing it above his on his thigh. "It's okay. I understand." She said, her voice silent, and a bit shaky. The feeling of guilt hit him again.

"Alexis, I-…"

"I know you never meant for it to happen."

"Nothing-…"

She silenced him this time without any words. She looked up at him, a sad smile on her pretty face. "It doesn't matter. Really… I-it's okay." A stray tear that slipped from the corner of her eye betrayed her true heartbreak. "You're a really good guy, Marty. I really do believe that you _did_ have feelings for me; maybe you tried to love me, too. But your heart was never truly mine, was it? It belonged to someone else. That's okay." She lowered her gaze. "I hope you're happy. You and Kensi. I think you really will be, too." A watery smile accompanied the words, and another tear was elicited from her deep brown eyes. "You really love her. And she loves you too. You'll be good together, and happy."

Deeks reached out to her, tilting her chin up and caressing her cheek with his palm. With his thumb, he wiped the rebellious tear away. "You will be too." His voice was rough and filled with emotion. "You're an amazing woman, Alexis. I wish things could be different."

She nodded. "Me too." Shifting a bit closer, she rested her palm on one scruffy cheek, smiling at him fondly, and giving him a sweet, lingering goodbye kiss. "I'm going to miss you, Marty. So much."

She stood up from her place on the couch, and exited without looking back.

X

He didn't call her yet.

Minutes have ticked passed midnight, and not a word. Not even a smiley face in text form.

She knows it's only natural; he had no doubt met with Alexis, and talked to her. They broke up. Or _were still _breakingup_. _

_Or making up? _The little insecure voice in her head said.

With a sigh she fell back onto her pillows, dark eyes peering at the phone on her bedside table. She was _aching _for him. Aching for his touch, to hear his voice. _Anything_.

They had shared the most intense moment yet today; even more intense than the make out session on her couch, and the night spent sleeping next to one another. They had cut the wire of the bomb together, diffusing it – an oddly erotic experience – followed by an embrace that _should've _ended in a kiss, but frustratingly _didn't. _He had pulled away, to break up with his girlfriend first. Because he's honest, and _good_, and that's part of why she loves him so much. He had promised to call tonight.

It was officially _tomorrow morning_ and he hadn't called yet.

She heaved another sigh.

"Man up, Blye." She whispered to herself. "When did you become such a _girl_. Obsessing about when he's gonna call?"

Her phone beeped and she sprang up and frantically felt for her phone.

Her face fell when she saw it was only a notification of an updated version of a so-so app. No texts.

_Damnit._

Today was tiring, and tomorrow would be another full day of following up leads as to who the bombers are. Leads poor Nell and Eric were working on as she was lying there. She should be sleeping right now. Getting rest.

But that obviously wasn't happening. Not if her head was full of _Deeks_. So she wearily pulled up her body and trudged to her kitchen to make some black coffee, or cocoa (depending on if she had any unspoiled milk). She was scrunching her nose into a carton, questioning if it was really sour or if she was imagining things, when she heard a knock on her door. Her wristwatch revealed the time to be nearing one now, and she frowned, wondering who would call at this hour. She took a hold of her Sig at the door first, before she pulled the little sheer curtain to the side to reveal her late-night caller. Her heart jumped a little and she placed the gun back on its place by the door, seeing the face that's been occupying her mind at her door.

She opened the door, revealing a rumpled Deeks, heaving at her doorstep in the cool evening air.

"Hi." She said, taking in his appearance. He was wearing jogging shorts, a crinkled t-shirt and trainers, and his skin – glowing gold in the moonlight – was covered in a thin layer of sweat. "You… jogged here?"

"Yeah." He panted.

"From your place?" She peered around the corner to make sure he wasn't lying, and his car wasn't parked around the corner. Damn, he had jogged _all that way. _

"I had, uh… some frustration, I guess. I dunno. I just-…" He drew a breath. "I needed to see you."

His bright blue gaze raked over her body, taking her in. She felt a warmth spread over her cheeks and a shy smile tugging at the corners of her mouth as a crooked smirk spread over Deeks' face. She knew why, too. She was wearing one of his old LAPD shirts – the one that fell out of her gym bag, and she was supposed to 'shoot out of its misery'… but ended up as her favourite sleeping shirt – and very little else. Just her skivvies, and a smile. Her hair wasn't completely dry from her evening shower yet, and was curling wildly.

She moved away from the door to let him into her apartment. "Coffee? There's no milk, though."

Deeks, the ultimate coffee-snob, scrunched up his nose and shook his head no. He sat down on her couch and linked his hands, leaning forward onto his knees, saying nothing more.

After a few more moments of silence, Kensi thought well to ask: "So… Is there a reason behind this late-night visit?"

Deeks nodded, answering the unasked implied question. "Alexis and I…" He swallowed the rest. "It's over."

"Was it… bad?" She asked, sitting down closely beside him.

"No. Not really, as far as, you know… these things go. I think she knew. She was prepared and, I don't know… really _graceful _about it. It _hurt _like hell…" He looked down. "But it's over now. I-I… didn't want to… I guess I wanted to take tonight to digest it, you know? But I guess I…." He looked up at her now, and his bright blues were full of emotion and a vulnerability that she hadn't really seen in them before. "I wanted to see you. I _needed _to see you."

She couldn't help the smile that spread on her face at that.

He had missed her, like she had missed him.

"Me too." She whispered gently beside him. "I wanted to see you too. All night. Couldn't get any sleep." She reached out and took her hand in his, intertwining the fingers lovingly. "I'm sorry you had to go through that."

Several silent, _intimate _moments passed; they were just sitting there together, holding hands like two kids in love, goofy smiles spreading over their faces wider and wider as the minutes passed.

Deeks broke it. "There is, uh… another reason I wanted to come and see you tonight."

"Yeah?" She was blushing, she knew it, but it couldn't be helped when he was looking at him like that from under those long eyelashes of his.

"Well, it occurred to me, as I was lying in bed tonight, obsessing…" She supressed a chuckle. "that since that night when we had the movie night… we hadn't, you know… _kissed._"

"Because you were technically taken." Kensi said, biting her lower lip.

"And I'm not anymore. And it was, you know... really good. It was fun and stuff, and I... kinda want to do it again. On a, you know, regular basis hopefully. Not _just _that obviously. I mean, I want to... something _serious_, I guess. And I know it's pretty _soon_, and you probably want to wait until it's not this quick after the breakup, but…"

She couldn't help the chuckle that escaped her lips as he sat beside her, playing with her fingers and rambling like a teenager. Logically she knew she should be set off by the _soonness… _But he was right there beside her, so _close_, and she had been wanting to feel his lips against hers again since that first time… So before she could rationalise and do anything _smart, _she found herself inching closer and closer until their lips met again, in an explosion of sensations. She had almost forgotten how good it felt, his lips warm and pliant and sweet against hers.

And as the electric current surged through her body, overloading every sinaps, one last thought passed through her mind:

_It was a long, painful journey getting here… It was _so _worth it._

* * *

**This isn't the last chapter: next comes the conclusion. Please let me know what you guys think. Sorry again for the long wait, and thanks for the support!**

**Much love,**

**Zanny**


	10. Chapter 10 - The ConclusionEpilogue

**Realizations: Chapter 10 – The Conclusion/Epilogue**

**Hi guys! This is the last chapter – I want to very sincerely thank every reader that read, reviewed, followed… whatever. I was pretty insecure going into this fic, because of my long pause from writing beforehand, but you guys made it a pleasure with the overwhelmingly positive response and the amazing feedback I got. You guys got my enthusiasm for writing going again! And even though I know I'm going to be much busier these coming years with school and such, and I probably still won't be writing as regularly as I used to, the fire is still stoked and I probably won't ever completely stop. **

**In this epilogue: some Densi fluff (the fun, bantering kind, cause that's what we love and this fic has been seriously lacking in it) and closure with Alexis. And the promised happily ever after. Hope you guys enjoy it!**

**Disclaimer: Nothing is mine. Just borrowing.**

* * *

"I honestly don't know how you can eat all that junk."

"Oh, here we go."

"Seriously Kens, I can feel the diabetes developing inside my body, just by _looking _at that-… that-… _monstrosity._"

That comment earned him a nasty glare.

"It's dark chocolate. It's good for you."

"Yeah, in normal people-doses. Not when in the form of a double scoop, caramel-dipped, chocolate-flake sprinkled sugar cone of doom."

Kensi decided not to reply to that. Her ice cream cone was quickly melting and dripping down the sides of her cone in the hot Los Angeles sun anyway, so right now bantering would a waste of precious time and ice cream. Besides, she wouldn't exchange her delicious treat for Deeks' ridiculous fruity sorbet-nonsense for the world.

They were coming back from an interview for a case, when Deeks had a rare moment of ingenuity and suggested an ice cream-stop and a stroll by the pier. It was nearing lunch time anyway, so she had agreed with minimal debate, especially when he (foolishly) promised her any toppings she wanted. The pair strolled unhurriedly down the wooden walkway, their fingers interlacing as they went. Kensi tried to supress the smile tugging at her lips, realizing how they must be looking. The young couple in love – holding hands, walking together, eating ice cream, sitting down on a wooden bench by the waters to sit right up next to one another. The picture of romance.

After a few comfortable moments, eating their ice creams together, Deeks broke the silence. "Jeez, Kens, you've got ice cream all over your face." He said with a chuckle.

Her ice cream down to only the cone, she frowned and wiped at her mouth with the scrunched-up napkin. "Got it?"

With another chuckle, Deeks shook his head no. "Don't worry, I got it." He closed the distance between them and gently kissed away the sweet chocolate smudge at the corner of her mouth. His move was clearly unexpected for Kensi, and she gasped – something Deeks made sure to take _full _advantage of, until his girlfriend pulled her lips just-just away from his, with a shocked expression on her face. "I thought we said none of _that_ at work?" She whispered in a scandalised tone.

Deeks shrugged in his usual casual way. "We're not at work." He raised his wristwatch. "And it's lunch hour. Not on the clock either." With a salacious wiggle of the eyebrows this time.

"Deeks." In a warning tone; his blue eyes were sparkling with mischief, because he knew from the smoulder in her eye and the hitch in voice as she spoke, she wasn't nearly as steady on her feet as she was pretending. He decided to have some fun with this, pulling his arm – already snugly placed around her waist – tighter so that she was pressed closer against him, and brushed his nose against hers affectionately.

"Come on, Kens." His voice was deep and husky, deliberately seductive. "Live a little. Cuddle with your boyfriend on lunch hour."

She playfully shoved his shoulder away from him, making sure it's gentle enough to keep him close. "You're an idiot." Which he knew, by now, meant _I love you._ She didn't say anything else; she _did_ lay her head on his shoulder. Faircompromise_, _he thought. Not making out, but some mild PDA with his stunning girlfriend was always time well spent… Several quiet moments passed, until Kensi raised her own arm, checking the time.

"We should probably get driving, Deeks. We're still quite a bit away from Ops."

She felt him nodding rather than saw, and they slowly hoisted themselves up, and walked hand in hand back to the SUV. When, suddenly, a voice broke their comfortable silence: "Marty?"

The couple turned, finding a surprising sight a few feet behind them. Another couple was walking down the route they were, hand in hand – a handsome man, with his arm draped over the shoulders of a very familiar face. Alexis, wearing a bright yellow sundress and an elated dimpled smile.

"It _is _you!" She walked the few steps necessary to envelop Deeks in a hug. Then she turned to Kensi: "Kensi! It's good to see you. And you two are-…" She waved a finger between the two of them, suggesting the relationship.

"Yeah," Deeks said, with a small chuckle. "Yeah, we are." His arm snaked back around Kensi's waist comfortingly, and she felt immediately at ease. "And you two?" He did the same between her and the stranger beside her.

With a blush and a giggle, she nodded. "Yes. I'm sorry, I'm being rude. This is David. David, this is Marty and Kensi. Some old friends of mine." Her voice was filled with a warm fondness, and no malice. David shook their hands friendlily, and Kensi caught a familiar something in his eye when he turned his gaze back to his pretty girlfriend. A look she had caught in Deeks' eye herself once or twice…

"You're happy." Deeks observed, with a sunny smile. "I'm happy, that you're… you know."

Alexis smiled too, nodding with understanding. "Everything worked out the way it should have." After a quiet moment passed, Deeks piped up again. "Listen, it was really great to see you, and meet you David, but Kens and I…" He pointed over his shoulder. "we have to get back to work."

"It was nice seeing you again." Alexis said, gently. "You too, Kensi."

"The same." Kensi said, a wide, real smile spreading over her face. As they left, with one last wave goodbye, the smile sustained.

"That was nice." She said, buckling her seat belt as they got into the SUV together. "She looks good. She looks happy."

"She was right." Deeks said.

"Bout what?"

Deeks' hand reached out to take hers where it rested on her thigh. Their fingers interlaced, the way he usually did, and his thumb caressed her palm in a way that still made her stomach do a flip. "Bout everything turning out right. I know that us _getting together _didn't necessarily take the smoothest course, so to speak… But I wouldn't have it any other way. Got me the greatest girl in the world." He moved closer and placed a kiss on her temple. "I love you."

She felt the blush warm her neck and cheeks, and she drew a deep breath. "Woah, getting a little sentimental there, aren't we, Shaggy?" She teased. "I love you too." Her voice was just above a whisper. His lips formed a smile against her temple. He moved his hand down her leg to her knee, and squeezed it affectionately.

"Back to work, partner?" He asked, with a smirk.

"Back to work." She agreed in a soft voice. "_Partner_."

* * *

**Alrighty then. There it is! Please let me know, for old time's sake, what you guys think. Once again, **_**thank you so much **_**for all the wonderful support in the writing of this fic. You guys rock!**

**Much love,**

**Zanny**


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